She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
