He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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