Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
