I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
