I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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