Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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