it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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