its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have aggressive nipples.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
