My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
