Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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