So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
