is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Houston, we have a blender
I don't deserve a penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
