dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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