I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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