you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dignity is for republicans.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
