a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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