So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
