you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
