I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
