U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
