At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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