If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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