i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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