I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
