i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it fun? or sober?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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