well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
