she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
