Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
