Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
