2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
