after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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