i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
