tell your sister to shave her snatch
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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