I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
