You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just had sex on a roof
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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