LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
