I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
