you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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