We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
