His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
