apparently the secret to your success is patron
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
