So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
