Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
