as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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