No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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