She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
