All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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