she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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