respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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