Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
