the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
