Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
