I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
