I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
