i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
