Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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