I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize