and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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