Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
