I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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