I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
