he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
