she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
