Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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