My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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