I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
