You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
