I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
