conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
