I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
