i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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