if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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