They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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