As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
