dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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