So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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