i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize