i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
