The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
