i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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