He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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