12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
