i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
