So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
