Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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