There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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