Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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