We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is wine microwaveable?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
